Why is it that this time of the year is always the hardest?  The year is coming to an end, my birthday is approaching and yet again, another year has passed and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I become a year older and I feel like I have no accomplishments.  I wonder if anyone else feels the same way...

Off to Manhattan for a week. See y'all later!!!!  =)

I hear that we live our lives in duality. So for the past eight months I've been hating myself for being so vulnerable. For doing something that I never knew I had the capacity for.For becoming and evolving into something completely different from what I was.  For being in Love with another person.  I grew up with a wall around myself, to protect myself from being emotionally hurt and scarred.  But as the years pass by, I felt more and more confident that I was immuned to those human emotions that tend to cloud our minds and our judgement up until I became a victim.  Hate is such a harsh word and I absolutely despise using it unless I truly mean it.  So as I stated in my diary "I hate myself for loving, for having feelings, for being so... HUMAN." 

We are all weak at some point in our lives and I have never felt so vulnerable as the day I heard those horrendous words cross his lips, the ones every woman dreads to hear--"I can't do this anymore".  I know deep down inside that we will never be together again and I know that I will never feel his touch or his lips on mine and yes it saddens me but we all must move on.  Change is a part of life, everyone must change, people change, feelings change, life changes.  Accept and move on.  I just need the strength to do so. 

Hope lies within everyone and I still have that glimmer of hope that we will one day be together. doubtful, but that is why I am an irrational and selective optimist.

I hope that I can become strong again and I hope tha tI learned my lesson.

Hi my name is Cristy and I have come to the conclusion that I am only attracted to men that are a**holes and weirdos.  Ones that are either in a commitment or are completely afraid of it.  Men that are complex, intelligent, articulate and difficult to understand -- unreadable.  I guess I like the challenge?

But then again, explain attraction and why are we attracted to people? 

So yesterday, I was approached by my boss and offered a position that would essentially be a promotion from my current peon standing.  I already knew I was going to take the position, but the concern lies in the fact that I had doubted myself.  The scary thing, is that I don't recall the last time that I had doubted my abilities and decided not to do what it takes to excel.  I was settling for less when I have the potential to do more, to become more.  The thoughts then ravaged my brain: Do I want this more challenging job? Do I want to be more stressed out?  Is money really an issue? And after several phone calls and several people asking me "Are you crazy?!? You are if you don't take it!" I got the confirmation that I so needed for me to drudge forward onto the god-forsaken path of automotive accounting.  I was told several times, when I first entered the industry to leave and get out while I still have a chance (there were several references to a black hole and such, but I didn't pay much attention).  Perhaps, there is that possiblity that I will be able to utilize the skills and knowledge that I obtain during my experience here at this wonderful dealership.  But this experience has taught me a valuable lesson: We all have the potential to achieve more, yet we seem to always settle for what we are comfortable with.  Ah, the secrets that life teaches you.  It is just a matter of seeing them, understanding them, and acknowledging them...

May the Force be with You!

It is official.  I am finally moved out of Irvine and back into my mom's house.  There are several reasons why I moved back, one being that I wanted to be closer to my family after being out of the house for 5 years, it was time for me to re-establish and re-discover my relationships with my family.  I need to strengthen those bonds because those are the ones that really count.  Boyfriends and friends will come and go, but your family is your family.  They will always be there.  Sometimes I wonder if I had stayed in Irvine, would me and my ex stil be together.  But anyways, back to the topic at hand. I finally threw away the flowers that my ex had given me for my graduation. I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders and hopefully it will allow me to move forward and let others in. I never knew flowers could be so sentimental.

Go to postsecret.com

Anonymous individuals send in a postcard with their secret.  There are several ones which I can relate too.  The book is also amazing.

So last night I, my beloved mini got tagged on.  I was leaving a birthday party at the Stadium in Aliso and I found two cards on my car invitin gme to join the local mini group.  I think I will! Now I have this huge smile on my face and I keep showing everyone the little cards.  I guess it's the little things in life that makes me happy!!  So simple.